Ambition is priceless but what is the price of success?


They gon' love me for my Ambition
Easy to dream a dream, though it's harder to live it

I gave up that which I cherished most in life. No! That's not true. I sacrificed that which I cherished most in life. I sacrificed all of it for my ambitions. Ambition is priceless right?

I was fully committed to making it. I was addicted. Addicted to my ambitions and addicted to winning. I was so pumped up by the hustle. I went deeper and deeper into chasing dreams. Dream chaser. The deeper I got, the scarier it got. The panic attacks started becoming familiar. Depression was the visitor who never got away. Nervousness was readily available. What a home I had created for myself, for there ain't no place sweeter than home right?

'It only gets better' was the consolatory mantra I had but honestly, it only got worse. I felt I was delusional anytime I was optimistic. I was lying through my teeth when I uttered the words "it only gets better". Results were not coming through. It wasn't getting better. It was getting scarier.

Coupled with the lethal combination of panic attacks, depression and anxiety was the bonus of loneliness. It's like that rainy night when it's pretty damn late and there's no taxi or bike to take you home. You are left just to the luxury of your legs to walk home. It's a lonely and  miserable road while chasing dreams.

You yearn for your sacrifice. You attempt to take it back. But the more you have a firm grip on it, the more your ambitions seem to be far fetched. What do you do? Enjoy the luxuries of today and live tomorrow in the comfort of regrets for killing your ambitions?




The more I tried to be the old and normal me, the more it was likely for me to hurt myself by hurting those who matter. It's that sad reality of a loss-loss situation. You lose the joy of those who mean a thing and you lose vision of your ambitions.

But I am not a loser. I have an addiction and it is called winning. I can't afford losing sight of my dreams. So I get back into the chase. This time around, no panic attacks. No more anxiety and nervousness.  But you remember that guest who never leaves right? Depression kicks in here and there especially when expectations are results are not met.. .

This time around, the journey is not lonely. You now have everyone's attention. Could that be the side effects of success? But the attention doesn't matter because I enjoy it in a way. But I face a new problem. It's called Identity Crisis.

Who am I ? What am I turning into? Those and related questions come my mind periodically. My addiction and commitment to my ambitions seem to have switched off my emotions. I am turning into a beast. The only thing that matters to me is getting the prey. When I am done I am onto the next one. There's little or no time for fun. Just hunting down goals and nothing less.
The Identity Crisis always triggers depression. I get back into the familiar yet unpopular luxury of being depressed. I crave and yearn for physical companionship. I miss my real friends who are no longer real. I miss the girls. I miss dates. I miss my loud laughter, I miss my signature dance moves. I miss the sarcastic me. I miss me. Mehn I miss me. Everything which used to matter to me is far-fetched. Seems like the old me is in coma about to die.

Who am I? I am that sick bastard who sacrificed his relationships, who sacrificed his emotions of love for his ambitions. I am the one, who walks the road of success with the weirdest of companion. Loneliness. I am the crazy one who is mad enough to think I have symptoms of bipolar disorder. I am the one who empowers people to soar high but I am immune to the same empowerment. Craze. I am an addict, an ardent addict.

What am I turning into? Well one of the hundreds of motivational tapes I listen to says "To get what you have never gotten,you have to become who you have never been. You have to do what you've never done.". Another one says "if you don't sacrifice for what you want, what you want becomes the sacrifice". I am turning into a beast. I see, I want, I get.


Don't get me wrong. I'm not cold neither am I a bore. When I get a rare moment, then you see a familiar face in me. The tales of success are usually the happy ones. Few tell the dark tales. And here's one for you.

So who am I? Permit me reintroduce myself ;
I am the one. The one who is willing to pay the price to succeed. The one who believes the sacrifice is worth it. I am a dream hunter. 

What's your own story? Who are you? What is the price you are willing to pay for success?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

There's No Overnight Success: The Story of the Mango Tree and Grass

Image
It takes 20 years to become an overnight success The struggle takes place in the farm. The mango tree growing at a slow and steady pace must compete against the wild grass which grows out of nowhere. Both plant species are out there in the wild and must follow the rule of the jungle; Survival of the fittest. Let the stronger specie win the race of life. Years later, the mango tree would be standing strong above the wild grass. It would spread out and bear fruits. Whereas, the grass dies season in and season out. With the farmer’s hatred for grass, he can’t help but smile as they perish. So what does mango tree and grass have to do with your life and success? Your answer in 4 words;  “Sustained success takes time.” The mango tree represents the sustained success. It doesn’t just appear on the stage of life out of nowhere. In the first years, it spreads all of its energy establishing a healthy tap root system, digging deep into the ground. T
Keep reading

3 Types of Friends (Be Careful Who You Share Your Dreams With!)

Image
We all need a good friend! Friends are one of the most important and one of the least understood aspects of our lives. When it comes to happiness, our friends are a major key. Our friends affect and influence us in more ways than we realize, they play a part in determining our sense of self and the direction of our lives. Whether we like it or not, our friends have shaped who we are today. We are products of friends who are no longer our friends. Based on the influence our friends can have on us and on achieving  our goals and objectives in life, it is of primordial importance for us to understand the type of friends we have. Knowledge of our type of friends guides us on how we relate with people, especially when it comes to sharing our life's plans and dreams with them. Bishop T.D. Jakes, one of the world’s most revered mastermind shares with us 3 types of friends; Confidants, Constituents and Comrades. 1) Confidants   You have very few confidants. Confidants are th
Keep reading

Do You Feel Left Behind in Life?

Image
  Your mates are making it in life, they are ahead of you though you were all at the same level. You just can't phantom how that's possible. You work equally as hard as them and even harder than some yet you are still lagging behind them on success lane, or so it seems. With the notion of you falling behind on your achievement even though you work as hard as those who are successful you don't do things as you used to. You step up your game plan. You use alternative measures. You change your lane. You do things different. But you are still behind. Then you get frustrated. You get disappointed. You are blue and depressed. All because you are not having the results. You are still behind. Maybe you should give up. Maybe the accounting or the medicine shit just ain't your thing. Maybe you could change to banking and finance or engineering. That's the temptation. Because you are behind, You feel it's not your thing. You feel maybe if you change the ball from
Keep reading